Pacific Anxiety Group Burlingame, California, United States
Abstract Body Monogamy is considered the norm for romantic relationships in the United States, with most people viewing it as the only form of a real relationship or as morally superior to non-monogamy. Consensual non-monogamy (CNM) encompasses polyamory, open relationships, swinging and other relationship orientations where two or more partners explicitly agree to extradyadic sexual, romantic, or otherwise emotionally intimate interactions. It is estimated that nearly 20 percent of Americans have engaged in a CNM relationship at some point in their life and that five percent of Americans are currently in a CNM relationship. Researchers have not found any differences in relationship satisfaction and happiness between CNM and monogamous individuals, yet CNM individuals face considerable discrimination and stigma within society, including from therapists who may lack basic knowledge about CNM and even encourage people to end their CNM relationships. There is a lack of research on both CNM individuals and CNM relationships, including how individuals experience and process romantic jealousy. In the literature, romantic jealousy has been conceptualized through a monogamous lens. In my study, I sought to understand how CNM people experience and process jealousy with in depth semi-structured interviews. I interviewed 13 CNM individuals and used Interpretative Phenomenological Analysis, a qualitative method, which yielded nine domains, 37 themes and 11 subthemes. The domains were: Expressions of Jealousy; CNM Specific Challenges with Jealousy; Factors that Moderate Jealousy; Evolution to CNM; Cultural Messaging Around Jealousy; Intersectionality, Power Dynamics and Perceived Status; Growth and Learning; Compersion; and New Paradigms for Relationships. The findings suggest that CNM people experience jealousy to different degrees and depending on a wide range of factors, some of which are static and some dynamic. The findings support the notion that jealousy and compersion may be partially trait-based and partially situation-based. The results suggest that CNM people approach coping with jealousy with a wide range of creative tools and largely seem to view jealousy as an emotion that can be worked through if they are mostly getting their needs met within the relationship.
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